I feel a renewed comittment to my MFA. Since the completion of Speedtrap my energy and interest has waned. Just the effects of 7 contiguous and intense quarters. Add to this my inability to do anything half way and burnout is a reality. So what is the difference now?
I don't know - but I feel the desire to produce a great story again. I am a year away from graduating and being done with this part of the journey...so I want to make the best of it.
It is in my nature, that when someone challenges my intention to do something it steels my resolve to achieve the goal ahead. Some sort of " You don't think I can do this? Do you? Well, I will show you I can!" attitude. I have always had this energy and it has been a great ally. But now I wonder at it's purpose and ask how it serves me...really. It definitely keeps me in judgement of others...which I don't like operative in my psyche.
Sometimes I think that we challenge others in our stated intentions because we are chagrined at the level of our own committment and work ethic...because we are afraid of being shown to be "less-than" we could be. Or our challenge may truly be coming from some sincere altruistic concern for the well being of the one who is burning the candle at both ends against the middle.
No matter what the explanation I do know this: to achieve anything there must be sacrifice. A sacrifice of time and attention. However some things, like home, family and sacred relationships must never be sacrificed - no success in life can compensate for the loss of any of those. Indeed it is partly because of them that we drive ourselves to achieve.
D_
